Should I Stay or Leave? A Therapist’s Guide to Relationship Clarity
If you’ve ever been stuck in that painful loop—Should I stay or should I go?—you’re not alone.
Maybe you still love your partner… but the relationship doesn’t feel like home anymore.
Maybe you’ve tried therapy, had countless conversations, or told yourself, Just give it a little more time.
But here’s the truth: time alone doesn’t create clarity.
Self-connection does.
As a couples therapist, I help people navigate this exact question all the time—and not by giving them answers, but by helping them access the wisdom they already have.
In this post, I’ll walk you through powerful questions and somatic practices to help you find clarity—without overthinking, self-abandoning, or staying stuck forever.
Why You’re Really Stuck
You’re not stuck because you’re indecisive.
You’re stuck because:
You feel guilty about hurting someone you care about
You’re afraid of being alone—or of regretting the decision later
You’re hoping it will magically get better if you just wait long enough
These are deeply human responses.
But they often disconnect you from your inner clarity.
This isn’t about choosing between your partner and your freedom.
It’s about honoring the relationship between you and you.
5 Questions to Help You Get Clear
These are not checklist items. These are deep, body-based reflection tools that move you toward the truth you already carry.
1. How do I feel in their presence—dimmed or brighter?
Do you feel like your full self when you’re around them?
Or are you constantly monitoring, shrinking, or self-editing?
Do you feel expanded, or like you’re holding your breath?
Your nervous system often speaks before your brain does.
2. What does my body say when I imagine staying—or leaving?
Imagine staying. Pause. What happens in your body?
Tight chest? Sigh of relief? Numbness?
Now imagine leaving. What changes?
These body signals aren’t random.
They’re emotional intelligence that lives in your nervous system.
3. Does the choice I’m considering require me to abandon myself?
If staying means self-erasure…
If leaving means silencing your truth to avoid guilt…
That’s not clarity. That’s fear.
The right choice won’t feel perfect.
But it will not require self-abandonment.
4. If my best friend were in this relationship, what would I want for them?
This is your higher self speaking through compassion.
We can often see what’s loving and fair for someone else—long before we allow that clarity for ourselves.
Trust the wisdom that shows up when you imagine someone you love being in your shoes.
5. Am I honoring the relationship between me and me?
This is the most important relationship of your life.
Are you building a life that you trust—regardless of what anyone else thinks?
Are you being loyal to the version of yourself that you’re growing into?
A Somatic Practice for Clarity
Here’s a simple exercise I give clients:
Step 1: Sit comfortably. Close your eyes.
Step 2: Imagine waking up, and the relationship has already ended.
Step 3: Just feel. Don’t analyze.
Is there relief? Grief? Space?
Do you breathe more deeply… or tighten up?
This isn’t about rushing a decision.
It’s about learning to listen to your body’s truth.
How Secure People Make These Decisions
Secure people don’t make fearless decisions.
They make resourced ones—rooted in self-trust.
That means:
Practicing solitude
Meeting your own emotional needs
Being in a relationship with yourself that feels reliable, regardless of who stays or goes
You don’t need someone to tell you what to do.
You need space, safety, and time to remember who you are when you’re not shape-shifting for someone else.
You Already Know More Than You Think
You don’t need to decide today.
But you do need to stop abandoning yourself to avoid discomfort.
The right choice may not feel peaceful right away.
But it will feel honest.
Start with these questions.
Try the visualization.
And get curious—not critical—with yourself.
