How to Know If You’re in a Healthy Relationship: 8 Signs

How to Know If You’re in a Healthy Relationship: 8 Signs of True Love

Have you ever wondered if your relationship is truly healthy or if you’re just settling for something “okay”? It’s a question I hear often in couples therapy: “What does a healthy relationship really look like?” Whether you’re unsure about staying in your relationship or striving to improve it, this guide will provide you with the tools to assess and nurture a truly fulfilling connection.

Drawing on leading relationship research from experts like Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Sue Johnson, as well as my experience as a couples therapist, here are 8 signs of a healthy relationship and actionable tips to cultivate them.

1. Trust: The Foundation of a Healthy Relationship

Trust is the bedrock upon which all healthy relationships are built. Dr. John Gottman describes trust as one of the essential “walls” of his Sound Relationship House model. It’s more than simply believing your partner won’t cheat—it’s about relying on them to show up for you in both big and small ways.

Signs of Trust in a Relationship

• You’re not overly worried about what your partner is doing when you’re apart.

• Your partner follows through on promises, whether it’s picking up groceries or supporting you in a crisis.

How to Build Trust

Start small. As Gottman’s podcast Small Things Often emphasizes, trust is built through small, consistent actions. For example, promise to do something for your partner, like taking out the trash or being on time for dinner, and then follow through.

2. Adaptability: Facing Life as a Team

Life throws curveballs—job changes, financial instability, or even everyday stress. Healthy couples adapt together, demonstrating a “we” mindset instead of an “I” mindset. Dr. Sue Johnson’s research shows that adaptability fosters resilience in relationships, helping couples navigate challenges as a unified team.

Example of Adaptability

A couple experiencing financial instability might work together to create a budget, making sacrifices that honor both partners’ needs.

How to Cultivate Adaptability

When challenges arise, ask, “How can we tackle this together?” Using “we” language fosters teamwork and prevents blame.

3. Respect and Encouragement: Honoring Each Other’s Individuality

In a healthy relationship, partners lift each other up rather than tear each other down. This means respecting your partner as an individual with their own goals, dreams, and desires. Dr. John Gottman warns against criticism, one of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” that predict relationship decline.

Signs of Respect and Encouragement

• Your partner supports your personal goals, whether it’s pursuing a career change or starting a new hobby.

• They build you up in public and private, never talking down to you.

How to Practice Encouragement

Make it a habit to compliment your partner’s strengths. For example, say, “I’m so proud of the way you handled that tough situation at work.”

4. Healthy Communication: Feeling Safe to Express Yourself

Effective communication is a hallmark of any strong relationship. But it’s not about getting it “right” all the time—it’s about feeling safe and secure enough to express your needs and concerns. Insecure communication can escalate conflicts, while healthy communication fosters connection.

Signs of Healthy Communication

• You feel safe bringing up issues, knowing your partner won’t dismiss or belittle you.

• Both partners actively listen, reflect, and validate each other’s feelings.

How to Improve Communication

Use active listening techniques, like paraphrasing your partner’s words. For instance, say, “What I hear you saying is that you felt hurt when I forgot our anniversary plans.” This demonstrates understanding and prevents miscommunication.

5. Respecting and Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are essential in any healthy relationship. They help partners maintain individuality and ensure that both people feel respected. Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable, especially if you fear conflict, but it’s a vital part of creating balance.

Examples of Healthy Boundaries

• Taking alone time to recharge.

• Asking for support when spending time with your partner’s family.

How to Set Boundaries

When expressing a boundary, explain why it’s important. For example, “I need some time alone after work to decompress so I can be fully present with you later.”

6. Laughter and Playfulness: The Glue of Connection

Healthy relationships aren’t all serious—laughter and playfulness are essential. Research shows that humor strengthens bonds and relieves stress. Couples who laugh together stay connected, even during tough times.

Signs of Playfulness in a Relationship

• Inside jokes and shared humor.

• Playful teasing or flirting, even after years together.

How to Cultivate Playfulness

Schedule time for fun, whether it’s a date night, game night, or simply watching a comedy together.

7. Shared Goals and Values: Building a United Future

While you and your partner don’t need to share every interest, aligning on big-picture goals is key. Whether it’s finances, family, or lifestyle, having a shared vision for the future ensures you’re moving in the same direction.

Signs of Shared Goals

• You agree on major decisions, like where to live or how to handle finances.

• You regularly discuss your aspirations and check in about your progress.

How to Align on Goals

Host a “vision talk” monthly or quarterly. Sit down to discuss how you want your lives to look and what steps you can take to get there.

8. Comfort and Emotional Safety: Feeling Secure with Your Partner

Emotional safety means you can be vulnerable without fear of judgment. This concept ties back to attachment theory, which highlights the importance of secure bonds in relationships.

Signs of Emotional Safety

• You feel comfortable sharing your fears, dreams, and concerns.

• Your partner offers reassurance and support during difficult times.

How to Foster Emotional Safety

Practice curiosity about your partner’s inner world. Ask open-ended questions, like, “What’s been on your mind lately?” This shows that you care and creates a safe space for them to open up.

Bonus Sign!: A Growth Mindset

No relationship checks all the boxes all the time, and that’s okay. What matters most is a commitment to growth. Healthy couples see challenges as opportunities to strengthen their connection and strive to improve together.

Final Thoughts

Healthy relationships require work, but they’re worth it. By focusing on trust, communication, adaptability, and respect, you can build a connection that lasts. Remember, no relationship is perfect—it’s about progress, not perfection.